PHAYVANH LUEKHAMHAN

Today at the shop, I wished many people a “Happy Mothers Day”, in the same way that I grind out “Have a nice afternoon” or “Hi, how are you?”—without much thought or feeling. It’s what happens after so many years of retail.  Those stock phrases come in handy, the crutches of conversation.

A few times today, a customer would ask if I had called my mother (I hadn’t) and/or if I was being celebrated (I was not). To both questions I answered no.  And each time I was in conflict with the truth.

Sure, my mother is in San Diego right now, paying karmic tribute to my grandparents (her parents). She wishes I were there with her, praying alongside her and learning the necessary rituals, but we are strangers to one another. She no longer mothers me.

And how do you tell a stranger that you ARE a mother—in that you gave birth—but that you no longer Mother. I imagine women who have given up their children or had them taken away from them.  I imagine women like myself who have lost their children, or those like my mother, who have lost meaningful contact with theirs. What does Mothers Day mean to them? (more…)